Lens
Shouting at a wall. Listening to echo. Looking at a mirror.

Rant

May 18th 2007 in General

Managing the task between reading blogs and writing a post has become an impossible task for me. I tend to use up all the time reading one instead of writing anything. Is that laziness ?

Anyways, for not posting last few months, as if anyone is bothered to know, but anyways, is not because I did not have time. In fact I had loads of it. It was simply because I had an easy reason for myself – tension and indecision about work etc. Uff what and all has happened in last few weeks. Such surprises and shocks, the one moment it was gone and next moment something else came up and next minute that was gone too. I almost became as much convinced as Annu Kapoor was about the existence of Mr India, before Mr.India actually visits him that is (( and this strange habit of recalling and drawing an analogy to movies is a habit I want to develop and this has rubbed off on me from some blog )) I stopped believing anything that was happening around me or to me. It seemed so meaningless even to plan for an hour ahead as only FSM knew what would happen next. The confusion, indecision, tension all became blurred and the emotions got converged to plain boredom. It almost looked like frustration to others but I knew I wasn’t frustrated but plain disappointed and bored. Plain bored, if you did not get it, you must experience it one day and I wish you should not.

And then the introspection, though unwarranted but was unavoidable, furthered a feeling which almost made me think of myself seriously. Any further I continue with the rant would leave a bad taste on this blog which is otherwise testimony to happy things.

Let me just say, it was a bad time. Last few months. Things continued to fail. My ego got hurt. (Actually its not ego, it was stupendous self-confidence, anyways since its hurt we can name it anything). My optimism got hit. I turned extreme skeptic, unsure of myself. You know something is wrong when you dislike your shadow (due to the past), worst is when it is compounded by failed belief system which will make you fear the future too. And somewhere I changed or my attitude has changed. (So much so that it was visible in few sentences in chat that few of my friends and family took note of. I am surprised that I was observed so easily!)

Anyways, don’t be surprised if such rants like the above become quite frequent here.

For the sake of update, I have quit Chennai and have found a job here in Bengalooru. So now back to home should enable me to spend more time on my blog.


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